Only 19! That means the majority of comments are not helpful and even harmful!

You probably know this from experience.

Have you ever tried to talk about your painful feelings only to be met with a comment that stops you in your tracks?

Maybe someone intellectualized, dismissed, or judged you.

How did you feel when that happened? Did you feel like you didn’t want to keep talking, like something was wrong with you, or that you should pretend to feel better?

• After a breakup you might have heard, “Don’t feel bad. There are plenty of fish in the sea.” 
• If your dog died someone might have said, “He was just a dog. You can always get another one.”
• Maybe you lost a child and a well-meaning friend say, “You’re young. You can have more children.”

When people make unhelpful comments to someone who’s hurting, it’s not because they are mean-spirited, it’s because they just don’t know what to say.

None of us learned about Grief Recovery in school.

When someone is grieving, well-intentioned friends and family try to help by repeating what they heard following their own losses or what they’ve seen in movies.

They rarely stop to think about what they’re saying.

They simply do what they think is best, which oftentimes means intellectualizing grief, rather than keeping it the emotional experience that it is. 

It’s natural to want to help someone you care about, so what statements can you take out of your vocabulary to be more helpful to your friends and family when they’re heartbroken?

One of the biggest is,  “I know how you feel”.

Even if you’ve experienced a parallel loss you can never know exactly how someone else feels.  That’s because every relationship is unique. You only know how you felt when your loss occurred.

Instead try saying something like, “I can’t imagine how you feel.”

Another harmful thing people say is, “Don’t feel bad”.  

As if someone can magically stop feeling bad. The implication is that there is something wrong with their feelings. Would you ever tell someone to not feel good? 

Here are some other negative comments people hear following a significant emotional loss.

• Be grateful for the time you had together
• Grief just takes time
• She wouldn’t want you to be sad
• Stay strong for your wife/husband/kids
• You must move forward and go on with your life
• Everything happens for a reason
• You can always have other children
• You never get over the loss of a child
• Grief is your new normal
• God needed another angel in Heaven
• At least he’s no longer suffering
• Throw yourself into your work
• He’s at peace now
• I know exactly how you feel 
• She went to be with God

Although some of these statements might be intellectually true, emotional pain isn’t intellectual. It’s emotional. Simply put, intellect can’t fix grief.

Each of the above statements perpetuates the myth that normal feelings need to be fixed, lied about or avoided. Sadly, that keeps people stuck in their heartache. 

For example, while it might be true that an elderly mother is no longer in pain after she dies, and that might provide some comfort to her family, that doesn’t mean that her family won’t (or shouldn’t) still be heartbroken. 

So when listening to a devastated friend, remember that having a supportive person to talk to can be the difference between him or her feeling heard and loved or feeling more isolated and alone. 

For more help with your own grief recovery, DOWNLOAD your FREE guide, “Myths About Grief: 6 Major Concepts That Prevent You From Moving Forward.”

This article was written by Allison James from The Grief Recovery Method Institute.

Yes you do (even if you haven’t experienced a recent loss)!

How can that be?

Here’s the deal, some people know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they need Grief Recovery. They’ve probably had their hearts broken in the last year or so because of death, divorce or another devastating experience.

But even if you didn’t go through an obvious loss in the last couple of years, that doesn’t mean that the Grief Recovery Method won’t dramatically improve your life!

Let me ask you a question, have you ever taken an honest look at your history to see what experiences might be holding you back? No matter what your age, think about your childhood, high school or any time in the past. 

• Have you ever gone through a breakup and noticed you’re a little less trusting in your next relationship? 

• Are you afraid to get in a relationship at all? 

• Have you ever ended a friendship, moved or changed schools or jobs? 

• Were your parents all you needed or wanted as a child? 

• Do you drink too much?

• Do you struggle with food?

• Are you sad because you can’t find a relationship?

• Do you fight constantly with your partner and don’t know why?

• Have you ever been disappointed about not getting into a particular college or getting your dream job? 

• Do you have a relative that died years ago that you wish you had spent more time with?

• Do you have an addiction that made you not show up for people the way you wanted?

• Do you regret not being there for family members where you were younger?

• Do you wish you told someone that you loved them? 

• Have you ever felt alone in life?

• Have you ever felt helpless after a painful experience?

• Are you sad that you didn’t have children or that you let your dream girl go?

• Did you avoid someone you cared about because they were sick and you didn’t know what to say?

• Have you given up on a dream or goal?

• Do you regret not taking advantage of an opportunity that is now long gone?

• Have you lost enthusiasm for life?

Any of these experiences cause grief!

Now here’s the big question… what would it be like to get complete with those relationships or regrets?

Can you imagine living a life with that freedom? Don’t stay stuck.

You deserve more and Grief Recovery is the solution! Learn more about what you can do here!

For more help with your own grief recovery, DOWNLOAD your FREE guide, “Myths About Grief: 6 Major Concepts That Prevent You From Moving Forward.”

This article was written by Allison James from The Grief Recovery Method Institute.

According to dictionary.com recovered means, “To get back or regain something that was lost or taken away”.

What’s lost or taken away when it comes to emotional pain is the quality of your life. 

Whether you’ve been through one devastating loss or have had a lifetime of heartache, unresolved emotional pain limits the quality of your life and your capacity for happiness.

You’ve probably been there. You’re going about your life when BAM, you’re struck by a devastating event like someone dying, a break up or losing your job.

As you go on getting through each day with the crushing, emotional pain, you start living at 80% of what your life was like before, without even realizing it. 

And how could it be any different?

No one is given the correct tools for dealing with heartbreak and pain.

We all simply do what we think is best, sadly the tools we use don’t usually lead down the road to getting complete with all of the things you wish you could have said or done in regard to the relationship/event that broke your heart. 

So what happens?

Most people quickly convince themselves that 80% quality of life is 100%.

Then time goes by and you go through another big loss and now you’re living your life at 50%, accepting it as 100%. You might hear people describe it as their “new normal”. 

It doesn’t have to be that way. 

When we talk about recovery we are talking about improving the quality of your life. 

We are not saying that something is wrong with you or that you’re damaged. We are not saying that there is something wrong with you and you need to be fixed.

We are not saying that there is anything wrong with being in emotional pain. We are not saying that you can forget a person you loved that is no longer in your life. 

We use the word recovery to talk about getting something back that you lost because of your pain. We want to help you get back the quality of your life. That is our goal with the Grief Recovery Method. 

If you still don’t like the word, “recover” that’s totally okay! Don’t use it! Call it whatever you want, but please don’t let that one word get in the way of taking the actions that will have you living at 100% again. Not only will it help you, but also the people around you. 

For more help with your own grief recovery, DOWNLOAD your FREE guide, “Myths About Grief: 6 Major Concepts That Prevent You From Moving Forward.”

This article was written by Allison James from The Grief Recovery Method Institute.