What about that you can never get over a particular kind of loss?

The problem with these phrases is that they trap you.

We’re not saying that your life won’t be changed by a tragic, brutal, heartbreaking event, but telling people who are looking for a way out that their grief will never end keeps them a victim. 

Wouldn’t it be nice if grievers were given hope instead? 

Here’s something you don’t hear often, if you stay a victim of your pain you’re doing a disservice to yourself, everyone around you and the person you lost.

Here’s another thing you won’t hear often… you can recovery from heartache IF you’re willing to take courageous action!

So what else can you do? 

The Grief Recovery Method is a step-by-step process for recovering from loss. The process is accessible, we will show you what to do each step of the way and you will never be left on your own. 

Is it scary to try something new? Yes!

Can you do it anyway? Yes!

That’s where courage comes in. It’s worked for hundreds of thousands of people, so there’s no reason it won’t work for you too!

Plus, it’s empowering to take responsibility for how you’ll move forward in life in spite of the brutal things that have caused you emotional pain.

Walking through fear is a small price to pay for recovery. 

Recovery means getting your quality of life back. (It doesn’t mean you will forget the relationship that changed or ended – that’s not possible.)

Recovery means that fond memories don’t turn painful.

You will trust again. You will smile again. And you will find freedom from pain. 

People say that grief never ends, but this well-intentioned statement keeps people trapped in their pain.

There is a better way.  Take the courageous actions of The Grief Recovery Method and live your life to the fullest again. SCHEDULE YOUR FREE CONSULTATION TODAY.

For more help with your own grief recovery, DOWNLOAD your FREE guide, “Myths About Grief: 6 Major Concepts That Prevent You From Moving Forward.”

This article was written by Allison James from The Grief Recovery Method Institute.

The problem with that thinking is that it makes you a victim of other people’s behavior. 

“If he was really my soulmate then he would do what I want.”

“If only my boss would show me more respect then I’d be happier at my job.”

“If my child would just stop interrupting me all the time then I wouldn’t be so stressed.”

Have you ever thought that if your husband would just remember to take out the trash or your wife would simply spend less money then you would be happy?

Of course you can fill in the blank anyway you want, but if you make other people’s actions responsible for your well being then you can never be happy until they do what you want.

It’s a recipe for failure. 

Wouldn’t it be more empowering and freeing to know that you are responsible for your own feelings? 

When you focus on another person being the problem you miss the point. You can’t change other people. No matter how badly you want to.

Truth is, the more you work on improving yourself the happier you will be in your life, in your friendships, your marriage and your work relationships.

We produce our own feelings, here’s an example:

The same stimulus can affect two different people in two different ways. Let’s say two people get cut off by a rude driver.

One person responds by slamming on his brakes, he gets upset, so says a few choice words in his head, then goes on about his day. 

The other person honks his horn loudly, speeds up to tailgate the person who cut him off, throws up an angry hand gesture, then spends the rest of the day telling everyone he sees how horrible the experience was.  

Both people were upset, but only one carried it with him.

I’m sure we’ve all been there, but this demonstrates that you have a choice!

You probably learned that other people were responsible for your happiness when you were a kid. Where did that belief come from: parents, siblings, grandparents? 

The good news is now you are an adult, so you can change your habits and create your own belief system to have a better quality of life. 

Emotional pain and trauma is behind all the heartache and negative beliefs in your life.

We all come to this world with a blank slate then accumulate misinformation and losses which hold us back as adults.

I can help you identify what beliefs and relationships hurt you most. 

I have a solution to bring you emotional freedom, but it requires action. Take action and you will raise up everyone around you! SCHEDULE YOUR FREE CONSULTATION TODAY!

For more help with your own grief recovery, DOWNLOAD your FREE guide, “Myths About Grief: 6 Major Concepts That Prevent You From Moving Forward.”

This article was written by Allison James from The Grief Recovery Method Institute.

The Grief Recovery Method can work for anyone, even if you haven’t experienced an obvious loss in the last few years.

Some losses are concrete like death, divorce and pet loss.

There are other losses that cause emotional pain, but aren’t usually recognized as losses.

We call them “Intangible losses”.

Intangible losses are things like

• Loss of trust
• Loss of safety
• Loss of security
• Loss of control
• Loss of fertility
• Lost hopes, dreams and expectations 

If you’ve experienced any of these then you know that just because it’s an intangible loss, doesn’t mean it isn’t painful, real or devastating.

In fact, since our society doesn’t always connect these painful losses with grief, you might wonder if something is wrong with you for feeling so heartbroken.  

Let me make it clear…. There is nothing wrong with you!

Here are a few examples of intangible loss.

• Let’s say a woman spent her whole life dreaming about having children. Then one day she finds out that she is infertile. In an instant her hopes, dreams and expectations of giving birth are crushed, even though she never lost a physical child. Her heart is broken and she’s in emotional pain. 
• What about a man that never knew his father? He may spend his whole life wondering what his father was like, what it would have been life to have a relationship with him, and if he did something that caused his father to leave? No matter what the details of that situation, he too is left with unresolved emotional pain.  
• Then there’s the person who suffered from mental, physical, or sexual abuse or assault. They might not feel safe or secure in this world.

Feeling a loss of trust, safety, control and security can result from tragedies like 9/11, natural disasters, mistrust in government, financial changes, pandemics, and war. 

It can also arise if you were a victim of sexual, mental or physical abuse. Lots of sexual cases focus on legal aspects to healing, but rarely emotional. 

Other intangible losses can be the result of your own decisions. I always thought I’d give birth to children of my own. I even had names for them.

Then one day I woke up in my mid 40’s to realize that although I had an amazing career and a whole lot of fun and freedom in my younger years, I made the conscious decision to put parenting on the back burner.

You bet that’s an intangible loss. 

One thing all of these intangible losses have in common is that they limit the quality of your life and capacity for happiness. 

Although these aren’t talked about often, they need to be addressed rather than be stuffed away in silence. Keeping the pain inside limits your life. 

Even if you can’t identify exactly what brought you to us that’s okay. Most people come to me thinking they will work on one thing then end up working on something totally different.

Together we will help you decide what is limiting your life the most! Schedule your FREE CONSULTATION today!

For more help with your own grief recovery, DOWNLOAD your FREE guide, “Myths About Grief: 6 Major Concepts That Prevent You From Moving Forward.”

This article was written by Allison James from The Grief Recovery Method Institute.

Great Question!

1. One big difference is that we don’t separate people by the type of loss they’ve experienced.

Everyone is welcome no matter why their heart is broken. That may sound wild since it’s not how most grief support groups work, so let’s take a look at why we do that.

Even if two people experienced the same type of loss they still wouldn’t have the exact same experiences because all relationships are unique.

For example, let’s say the father of two twin sisters died. That sounds about as close as you can get to people experiencing the same type of loss right? Well those two sisters are still individual people. One might have had a great relationship with her dad and the other not so much.

To compare one person’s loss to another’s, regardless of the cause or type of loss, discounts, minimizes, or trivializes their feelings or experience. 

We have found that focusing on the type of loss puts the focus in the wrong place. Yes, the type of loss is important because it’s why someone’s heart is broken, but we also focus on how to help people.

The Grief Recovery Method is a universal solution that will work for anyone that is willing to do the work. 

2. Another thing that makes us unique is that the Grief Recovery Method has a start and an end.

Although many traditional grief support groups offer a safe environment for a griever to talk about their feelings, talking only provides short-term relief.

Talking about your feelings can be beneficial, but it’s not enough. The Grief Recovery Method is designed to guide people in emotional pain through a series of actions to feel better.

Of course you can choose to continue working to heal other relationships, but we have a system that was proven to work. So people don’t need to see us indefinitely. 

3. You know what else is amazing? Every Grief Recovery Specialist has done the work themselves. We are a group of grievers for grievers.

We wouldn’t expect you to do anything we haven’t done ourselves. It takes courage to ask for help and each of our facilitators know that from experience. 

4. Another thing that makes us stand out is that grief is our only topic. We work with anyone who is grieving and affected regardless of any political, social, or demographic surrounding an event.  

We understand that grief is about having a broken heart, but most of the tools people are taught to deal with grief are intellectual.

Grief is a normal and natural emotional reaction to loss, but most of the solutions people are taught are intellectual. Although the method is partially educational, the solution is emotional.

5. Lastly The Grief Recovery Method is the only grief support program with the distinction of being Evidence Based and effective. It’s true!

Researchers at Kent State found that The Grief Recovery Method goes beyond a “best practice” or “promising approach” in dealing with the emotional pain of loss.

This means there is high confidence that those who follow the Grief Recovery Method Action Plan can find happiness in their lives despite the loss they suffered. Isn’t that amazing!?

So if you were wondering how we are different, now you know!

If you have questions or just want to talk to a Grief Recovery Method Specialist, SCHEDULE A FREE CONSULTATION today!

For more help with your own grief recovery, DOWNLOAD your FREE guide, “Myths About Grief: 6 Major Concepts That Prevent You From Moving Forward.”

This article was written by Allison James from The Grief Recovery Method Institute.

Sadly, these mainstream ideas give people a false sense of what it takes to heal their heart. As if time on its own magically has the power to help.

Sure, time may lessen the intensity of emotional pain, but it does not heal.

Need proof? Do you know someone that is still heartbroken from a death or breakup that happened over five, ten or twenty years ago? I bet you do.

What about you? Are you still carrying baggage from something that happened during childhood? 

If time healed, wouldn’t five or ten years be long enough?

People often ask us when they should start using The Grief Recovery Method. The answer is different for everybody depending on the loss you’ve experienced and when you have the willingness to do it. 

The key, however, is to not wait many years to say goodbye to pain and unfinished emotions. That doesn’t help you, and it doesn’t help the people around you and it doesn’t honor the memory of who died. 

Waiting for years is too much time to sit in devastating pain and feelings. Plus, over time, we all experience more losses and pain which means, if you don’t do the work you could end up with a whole backpack full of unresolved “issues”. 

Make today the day you decide to heal.

Make today the day that you get started with The Grief Recovery Method.

Together, I will give you the tools to work on what is still painful and holding you back and gently guide you to say goodbye to that pain.

All you have to do is show up and have a little bit of willingness. 

Learn how you can work with me to begin your grief recovery journey.

You know what’s more painful than taking an honest look at your pain? Allowing your emotional pain to become your new normal.

For more help with your own grief recovery, DOWNLOAD your FREE guide, “Myths About Grief: 6 Major Concepts That Prevent You From Moving Forward.”

This article was written by Allison James from The Grief Recovery Method Institute.

It’s common to have at least a few things that you wish would have been different during your childhood! 

• More time with your parents
• More structure
• Less strict
• Less overbearing 
• More affection
• Protection from abuse 
• Weren’t late all the time
• Weren’t so punctual
• Raised with better nutrition 
• Dealing with explosive anger
• People pleasing
• Alcoholic behavior

The list can go on and on.

You might have even said, 

“I’m turning into my mom!”

“I sound just like my dad!”

Not to say that being like your parents is all bad, but there might be a couple beliefs or habits that you haven’t considered that you might not want to pass on to your kids. 

Have you ever stopped to think about which of your beliefs and behaviors are your and what are your parents?

Most people haven’t even considered it! 

Well, guess what?

THERE IS A WAY!

The Grief Recovery Method helps moms and dads just like you to identify the old ideas in their belief systems that no longer serve them, to help them become the parents they wish they had. 

In fact, one of the main things people discover in our seminars, sessions and books is the amount of baggage they are carrying from their childhoods that affect their lives today. 

Today is the day to look at those old beliefs. Don’t wait!

For more help with your own grief recovery, DOWNLOAD your FREE guide, “Myths About Grief: 6 Major Concepts That Prevent You From Moving Forward.”

This article was written by Allison James from The Grief Recovery Method Institute.

Only 19! That means the majority of comments are not helpful and even harmful!

You probably know this from experience.

Have you ever tried to talk about your painful feelings only to be met with a comment that stops you in your tracks?

Maybe someone intellectualized, dismissed, or judged you.

How did you feel when that happened? Did you feel like you didn’t want to keep talking, like something was wrong with you, or that you should pretend to feel better?

• After a breakup you might have heard, “Don’t feel bad. There are plenty of fish in the sea.” 
• If your dog died someone might have said, “He was just a dog. You can always get another one.”
• Maybe you lost a child and a well-meaning friend say, “You’re young. You can have more children.”

When people make unhelpful comments to someone who’s hurting, it’s not because they are mean-spirited, it’s because they just don’t know what to say.

None of us learned about Grief Recovery in school.

When someone is grieving, well-intentioned friends and family try to help by repeating what they heard following their own losses or what they’ve seen in movies.

They rarely stop to think about what they’re saying.

They simply do what they think is best, which oftentimes means intellectualizing grief, rather than keeping it the emotional experience that it is. 

It’s natural to want to help someone you care about, so what statements can you take out of your vocabulary to be more helpful to your friends and family when they’re heartbroken?

One of the biggest is,  “I know how you feel”.

Even if you’ve experienced a parallel loss you can never know exactly how someone else feels.  That’s because every relationship is unique. You only know how you felt when your loss occurred.

Instead try saying something like, “I can’t imagine how you feel.”

Another harmful thing people say is, “Don’t feel bad”.  

As if someone can magically stop feeling bad. The implication is that there is something wrong with their feelings. Would you ever tell someone to not feel good? 

Here are some other negative comments people hear following a significant emotional loss.

• Be grateful for the time you had together
• Grief just takes time
• She wouldn’t want you to be sad
• Stay strong for your wife/husband/kids
• You must move forward and go on with your life
• Everything happens for a reason
• You can always have other children
• You never get over the loss of a child
• Grief is your new normal
• God needed another angel in Heaven
• At least he’s no longer suffering
• Throw yourself into your work
• He’s at peace now
• I know exactly how you feel 
• She went to be with God

Although some of these statements might be intellectually true, emotional pain isn’t intellectual. It’s emotional. Simply put, intellect can’t fix grief.

Each of the above statements perpetuates the myth that normal feelings need to be fixed, lied about or avoided. Sadly, that keeps people stuck in their heartache. 

For example, while it might be true that an elderly mother is no longer in pain after she dies, and that might provide some comfort to her family, that doesn’t mean that her family won’t (or shouldn’t) still be heartbroken. 

So when listening to a devastated friend, remember that having a supportive person to talk to can be the difference between him or her feeling heard and loved or feeling more isolated and alone. 

For more help with your own grief recovery, DOWNLOAD your FREE guide, “Myths About Grief: 6 Major Concepts That Prevent You From Moving Forward.”

This article was written by Allison James from The Grief Recovery Method Institute.

Yes you do (even if you haven’t experienced a recent loss)!

How can that be?

Here’s the deal, some people know beyond a shadow of a doubt that they need Grief Recovery. They’ve probably had their hearts broken in the last year or so because of death, divorce or another devastating experience.

But even if you didn’t go through an obvious loss in the last couple of years, that doesn’t mean that the Grief Recovery Method won’t dramatically improve your life!

Let me ask you a question, have you ever taken an honest look at your history to see what experiences might be holding you back? No matter what your age, think about your childhood, high school or any time in the past. 

• Have you ever gone through a breakup and noticed you’re a little less trusting in your next relationship? 

• Are you afraid to get in a relationship at all? 

• Have you ever ended a friendship, moved or changed schools or jobs? 

• Were your parents all you needed or wanted as a child? 

• Do you drink too much?

• Do you struggle with food?

• Are you sad because you can’t find a relationship?

• Do you fight constantly with your partner and don’t know why?

• Have you ever been disappointed about not getting into a particular college or getting your dream job? 

• Do you have a relative that died years ago that you wish you had spent more time with?

• Do you have an addiction that made you not show up for people the way you wanted?

• Do you regret not being there for family members where you were younger?

• Do you wish you told someone that you loved them? 

• Have you ever felt alone in life?

• Have you ever felt helpless after a painful experience?

• Are you sad that you didn’t have children or that you let your dream girl go?

• Did you avoid someone you cared about because they were sick and you didn’t know what to say?

• Have you given up on a dream or goal?

• Do you regret not taking advantage of an opportunity that is now long gone?

• Have you lost enthusiasm for life?

Any of these experiences cause grief!

Now here’s the big question… what would it be like to get complete with those relationships or regrets?

Can you imagine living a life with that freedom? Don’t stay stuck.

You deserve more and Grief Recovery is the solution! Learn more about what you can do here!

For more help with your own grief recovery, DOWNLOAD your FREE guide, “Myths About Grief: 6 Major Concepts That Prevent You From Moving Forward.”

This article was written by Allison James from The Grief Recovery Method Institute.

According to dictionary.com recovered means, “To get back or regain something that was lost or taken away”.

What’s lost or taken away when it comes to emotional pain is the quality of your life. 

Whether you’ve been through one devastating loss or have had a lifetime of heartache, unresolved emotional pain limits the quality of your life and your capacity for happiness.

You’ve probably been there. You’re going about your life when BAM, you’re struck by a devastating event like someone dying, a break up or losing your job.

As you go on getting through each day with the crushing, emotional pain, you start living at 80% of what your life was like before, without even realizing it. 

And how could it be any different?

No one is given the correct tools for dealing with heartbreak and pain.

We all simply do what we think is best, sadly the tools we use don’t usually lead down the road to getting complete with all of the things you wish you could have said or done in regard to the relationship/event that broke your heart. 

So what happens?

Most people quickly convince themselves that 80% quality of life is 100%.

Then time goes by and you go through another big loss and now you’re living your life at 50%, accepting it as 100%. You might hear people describe it as their “new normal”. 

It doesn’t have to be that way. 

When we talk about recovery we are talking about improving the quality of your life. 

We are not saying that something is wrong with you or that you’re damaged. We are not saying that there is something wrong with you and you need to be fixed.

We are not saying that there is anything wrong with being in emotional pain. We are not saying that you can forget a person you loved that is no longer in your life. 

We use the word recovery to talk about getting something back that you lost because of your pain. We want to help you get back the quality of your life. That is our goal with the Grief Recovery Method. 

If you still don’t like the word, “recover” that’s totally okay! Don’t use it! Call it whatever you want, but please don’t let that one word get in the way of taking the actions that will have you living at 100% again. Not only will it help you, but also the people around you. 

For more help with your own grief recovery, DOWNLOAD your FREE guide, “Myths About Grief: 6 Major Concepts That Prevent You From Moving Forward.”

This article was written by Allison James from The Grief Recovery Method Institute.